A tribute to my grandfather, the 'Tiger'

They say that you can take away everything from a man and I mean everything- including his life, but you cannot take away his attitude and his will. I've heard of such things before, but over the last two or three weeks, I've witnessed that very thing happen in front of my very own self, in my own family, and I consider myself very fortunate to be around with him during his last few days, with him during his last few smiles, with him in his last few happy moments, with my grandpa.

'Tiger', many of his grandsons(including me) called him so fondly, for we saw him truly live like one - never, even for a moment, even till his last breath, dependent on his family and never afraid of anything, not even death(which I realized yesterday). His eyes never had fear and gave out no signs of weakness, physical or mental, ever. Even when we took him to the hospital for the initial diagnosis and treatment, the folks there would initially think that it was my grand mother, or may be my mother, who was to be diagnosed, but never thought it could be my grand father. He never looked a patient, never let that pain make him look vulnerable.

As a person, he never troubled anyone, anyone at all. From what I've heard of his childhood and his life till the time I had my own consciousness and then from what I've seen of him, I can only say that he was a good son, a good brother, a good colleague, a good husband, a good father and a good grand father. Even during his last days, he tried to ensure that he wasn't a burden for his family and never let us know the pain and suffering he might have gone through with that disease.

The day he was back from the hospital, after the doctors gave up all hope on his recovery, he told me "..I am not worried at all. I have my family by my side now. I didn't want to die in the hospital. Now that I'm home, I don't care when I die.." - he said that with a certain amount of relief and pride, as if he won a battle against someone, or against something in this case. He was never afraid, he was never worried. Even during these times, it was us who were made to look weak and vulnerable.

He passed away this Monday, breathing his last breathe in my arms. Amongst the things he said to me during the last week till the day before he died, two things that I can never forget- that I should not go to work the 'next day'(the day he would die) and I should stand by my dad and support him. I had no idea why he wanted me to stay back home the next day, not until he passed away in my arms. Honestly, I don't know if it was a coincidence or if he really knew he was going to die.

I was there by his side when he was struggling to breathe, and all I could do was run and call the doctor, and till the doctor showed up, I just stood there, hoping and praying that he make's it through one more time. I felt like I was a criminal. I was disgusted with my helplessness and ignorance as I couldn't even help him breathe. For the first time, I felt I should have been a doctor. I felt like I was a criminal.

In spite of all my helplessness and my 'uselessness', I am proud that I chose to be with him and not go to work on that day, for I had the opportunity to be with him by his side and hold his hand, a unique opportunity which comes only once in a person's lifetime.

In this part of the world, we cremate the body and wait till we hear the skull burst out, (symbolically)freeing the soul from its body. Bhoomaiah Kotha, died of cancer on the 26th of May 2008 and was cremated the same evening, with utmost respect and honor.

I look at this post as his epitaph, reading "Here was a man who lived like a tiger- fearless, independent and full of grace."

Grandpa, may your soul rest in eternal peace. - Luv, your grandson.

P.S: As with everything else, time will fill this void and there will be a day when I wont feel his loss anymore. I hope by then, I can learn and start to live with an attitude like the one he lived with, till the moment he left us.