My Wedding Invitation(read: Calling all Philanthropists and Sponsors)

Yeah, that's right. I've decided that happiness is not the only thing in life. Marriage, as they say, is the triumph of imagination and hope over intelligence and logic. I'll assert the relevance of that statement in a short while(although my sixth sense, in a very oh-don't-tell-me-you-don't-know tone confirms the truth in that statement).

The girl who gets to eat me in full is Lakshmi, a good friend whom I know for the last seven or eight years. She works at Polaris in Hyderabad, and she's pretty good at her work(hint/read: ask for her resume). She is a sweet girl, very innocent and charming(you know I have to say all these things about her, right?). 'Nuff said.

Don't ask me how we met. Okay, you ended up asking that question anyway.
I used Google Search to find my better half:


<WARNING: Boring material ahead. Skip to the all-important How to sponsor section if you're not interested in the answer to the question above>

<Boring section, a.k.a. How I Met The Mother(of my imaginary child)>
The narcissist that I was, I had to advertise the latest hotness on the internet during my college days- my first website, and how do I get to do that? CHAIN MAILS!(bwahaha). I would scavenge on those chain mails my innocent friends would forward, extract all the email ids and then send a mass mail out to those folks asking them to checkout the new hotness, and being the perfectionist I am, I would follow up with people who showed on-line after I sent those mails!(again, bwahaha). Out of those innocent prey, there was this girl, who pinged back saying that my site sucks!! gggrrrrrrr!!! and then she started appreciating the creativity and the content....you see where it was going, right? We then decided to meet and we did, we became friends, and we continued that way.
<End of Boring Section>

I used to feel that she fell prey to all my tricks, my "self-dabba", my charm, and my self-proclamation of my good nature(read: you-won't-find-a-slave-like-me nature). Fast forward a few years, I realized that the hunter was the actual hunted and the seemingly innocent prey was a predator in disguise, with an accuracy that would put a dragon-fly to shame! sigh. I lost. She won.

Anyway, past is past. The bright side is that my future will look exactly(best case scenario) like my past- so now I already know what to do! :-)

The way I'm seeing it all, I feel like I'm taking a free fall- jumping into an act with blind faith, with the confidence that others have done this and are still alive.

<IMPORTANT SECTION: PLEASE READ>
The good news I have for you is that YOU can be one of the sponsors for my wedding! yes YOU! Your name will live forever, and you will have your way through St. Peter's! And knowing that different people have different levels of commitment, I have come up with the following events that you can choose to sponsor:
GOLD SPONSORS: Marriage Hall, Decor, Food(catering), Gold Jewelery... (ANY ONE of these)
SILVER SPONSORS: Live Music, Bachelors Party (BOTH of these)
PLATINUM SPONSORS: Marriage Hall, Decor, Food and Gold! <== RECOMMENDED Hurry up, this is a once in a life-time opportunity to serve yours truly! RSVP for sponsorship through comments, mail, phone. I will ensure that you get enough advertisement and will also have banners and placards to show my gratitude. <End of Important Section. Please feel free to re-read or forward this section to your friends> GROUND ZERO: Sri Agrasen Bhavan, 149, Brig Syed Road, Secunderabad, Andhra Pradesh, India.(For the hypertext-ically challenged, please click on that link to see a map).

TIME: T - zero, where T = 27th July 2009, 12:12am. Dinner starts Sunday 26th July 2009, 7p.m. onwards.

Come, feast on me. Laugh at me. Console me. But please do come.

But all jokes apart, I'm happy that I'm getting married to her. I have had my share of joys and sorrows with her, and I look forward to a lifetime's worth of some wonderful and memorable moments with her. She's a wonderful person, and I take it upon me to give her nothing but happiness till my last breath, not because I love her, but because she deserves it. I sincerely feel that she's the best for me for what I am.

Here's me saying "I do". Amen.

Sri Agrasen Bhavan - View Larger Map

Frustrations of a Common Man - Part 1

Democracy - The Real Matrix

"Democracy is the government of the people, by the people, for the people." - Abraham Lincoln.

That was the caption in one of the chapters from my Civics course back when I was in my IX standard. That was what my teacher taught us about Democracy. That was what I grew up thinking Democracy to be. And that democracy is good because people's opinions are valued and considered before the government takes any decision.

It's been around 11 years since my first rendezvous with Democracy as a subject, and after these 11 long, directionless, yet somehow rewarding years, it's but oh-so-obvious to me that everything my teacher taught me was all a big lie. Yep, the whole part, all the way.

Every time I think of Democracy, I'm reminded of the movie The Matrix, more specifically, of what Morpheus says about the matrix in that movie- "It is the world that has been pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth- That you are a slave. Like everyone else you were born into bondage, born into a prison that you cannot smell or taste or touch. A prison for your mind...." and I'll say that these machines built this huge computer program because they in deed had no other way to survive, unlike the parasites that plague our real societies here. Every time I see these politicians using the law for running their family businesses and every time I see them overpower the few that wake up from their social slumber, this scary similarity only grows stronger.

Democracy, as it stands today, is an illusion created by the people with power and money to blind the other kind of people- the poor/powerless/scared/helpless kind from seeing the obvious, that they are being devoured by these parasites who are sucking the guts out of these poor people with no mercy and with absolutely no social responsibility what-so-ever. All this blood just to fill their pockets green.

The sad part about this whole déjà vu is the fact that just as there were some people hopelessly tied to the matrix for their survival, and how some people accepted it as the real truth, some even fighting for the machines, I've seen people who are hopelessly dependent on these parasites for their livelihood. They fail to realize that the blood sucking leeches they support will not spare anyone- including their supporters and their families. However, unlike the movie, and very unfortunately, the Morpheus of this real world is yet to free himself from this illusion, let alone finding Neo.

Democracy today is no longer about the good of the common man, rather it has been reduced to a tool for exploiting the common man by manipulating the law. As long as the very people who are supposed to prevent corruption and crime(our police and justice departments) are themselves corrupt, these parasites will continue to feed on us, bribing their way out of every crime they commit and buying every judgment that should have gone against them.

MySQL-python 1.2.2 for python 2.4 on Mac OS 10.5 (Leopard)

There are a few posts around which have bits of what was needed for getting mysql-python working on my leopard, but they missed out the prerequisites for 10.5. So here's the complete deal for getting mysql-python up and running on your Mac OS box.

Pop your Mac OS Disk 1 in, go to Optional Installs->Xcode Tools->Packages and install the following(if you don't have them installed already):
a. gcc4.0.pkg
b. MacOSX10.4.Universal.pkg
c. DeveloperToolsSystemSupport.pkg
d. DeveloperToolsCLI.pkg
After you install these packages, run the following command to create a symlink:

   $ sudo ln -s /SDKs /Developer/SDKs

Now you're leopard install is ready for setting up mysql-python. Proceed with the following steps:

1. Download MySQL-python-1.2.2.
2. Extract the source and set it up:

   $ tar zxf MySQL-python-1.2.2.tar.gz
  $ cd MySQL-python-1.2.2
  $ sudo ln -s /usr/local/mysql/lib /usr/local/mysql/lib/mysql

3a. Edit the _mysql.c file and make the following changes:

   $ vim _mysql.c

3b. In this file, delete or comment out the following lines:

#ifndef uint
#define uint unsigned int
#endif

3c. And change the following:

uint port = MYSQL_PORT;
uint client_flag = 0;

to

unsigned int port = MYSQL_PORT;
unsigned int client_flag = 0;

4. If you get an error like

    #error "LONG_BIT definition appears wrong for platform
           (bad gcc/glibc config?)."

then:

    $ sudo vim /Library/Frameworks/Python.framework/Versions/2.4/include \
     /python2.4/pyport.h

and comment out the line that raises the error(line 616, which reads exactly as the error message that was spit.)
5. Now add the mysql bin directory to your path:

   $ export PATH=$PATH:/usr/local/mysql/bin

6. Clean and install the extension:

   $ python setup.py clean
  $ python setup.py install

NOTE: YOU MUST HAVE THE SAME BINARY ARCHITECTURE FOR BOTH PYTHON AND MYSQL. WHAT IT MEANS IS THAT IF YOU HAVE A 32-BIT VERSION OF PYTHON INSTALLED ON YOUR SYSTEM, THEN YOU NEED TO HAVE A 32-BIT VERSION OF MYSQL INSTALLED. YOU CANNOT MIX 32-BIT WITH 64-BIT OR 64-BIT WITH 32-BIT APPLICATIONS. AT THE VERY LEAST, YOU WILL END UP GETTING ERRORS LIKE THE FOLLOWING:

ImportError: dynamic module does not define init function (init_mysql)

Or

ImportError: Loaded module does not contain symbol _init_mysql

References:
MangoOrange
Red Elephants

The Beauty of Life

It's Sunday morning and I know I can't see my life any more balanced than what it was when I woke up today. Things have been good at work lately, and they have been good on my personal front too. I also finally managed not to postpone the appointment with my doc and saw him yesterday. So, as I sat down to enjoy my morning tea I felt my head was lighter than yesterday, lighter without the tensions or stress from so many yesterdays. It felt real good, that feeling, and after a very long time. I started to think about how I managed to get here, the things I did right and how did I do them right.

For me, life has always been about learning from experiences. I can't think of a time that I did something with a good deal of thought and planning. Many, many a time I've jumped first and blind-fold, trusting that the ones I'm jumping for truly understand me and will save me from getting hurt. But I ended up getting hurt on several occasions. There were times when I was wrong in trusting those people, and then there were times when it was purely my mistake that I jumped without knowing that there was no one there, and in fact that it was me who had made them walk away, made them lose their trust in me. Yet, I never stopped jumping for them. I, for some reason, learn things the hard way- after I injure myself, after I burn my fingers. But I never regret about this. I am an emotional person and I feel this allows me to be free from judging people until they, in deed, prove themselves worthy or unworthy of my trust , and that happens only after giving the other person the right to explain themselves and the right to try again, so that I never have to take the guilt trip.

My life(so far) has been just as wonderful as it has been painful. When I look back at it, and go as far as my consciousness allows me to, I see each day I lived as a collection of unforgettable memories- fond and lovely, scary and regretful, sweet and funny, sour and real bad; with everyone of them teaching me something new. And I've realized the fundamental theme of my life to be this- I had good times and then I had better times :-). Good times were the lighter, fond, lovely, sweet and beautiful ones. The better times were the ones that have been really tough on me, the ones that helped me get stronger and helped me become what I am today.

I feel grateful for this new morning, for the real beauty of life is its balancing act- taking me far far away from everything and everyone I know, detaching itself from me. I feel that every new Today gives me yet another chance to right my wrongs of Yesterday, it gives me yet another chance to do something about the issues that concern me, yet another chance to show the people I care about that I in deed do.

PyXMPP on Windows

I searched around a bit for this module on windows, and I couldn't find any. But, yes. You can use it now. I recently had a need and I downloaded the tar ball, customized it, and built a windows binary using mingw32 from cygwin, and it works.

Here's the process:
-- install dnspython, or use Easy Install for Python on Windows, which I personally prefer.
-- install M2Crypto or again, use easy_install if you're lazy like me.
-- install the libxml2 python package for windows.
-- get the pyxmpp package for Windows.(Note: I created this package on my vista box, with a python 2.5.2 install, so ensure you have python 2.5.x to work with this.)
-- pyxmpp's api docs, to jabber your way to g(l)ory from windows!

P.S: let me know if you're interested in building one yourself and you need some expert advise ;-) j/k.

Is this the best we can do?

I frequent The Guardian a lot as they keep coming up with good, informative articles, but at times, it saddens me completely to see someone talk about their own land without hope, more so when its someone like Aravind who apparently has traveled around his country a lot. I'm refering to his article Indians' worst fear: the honest politician where he mentions that Indians not only accept corruption, but also fear and reject a novel or an honest politician, and has his own theory for it. Now, what really scares me is that these articles are different compared to their traditional print counterparts- they are accessible from anywhere in the world; they can reach many more people than any print editions could ever, and that usually translates to a lot of people who have never been to India and have probably never met the average Indian(someone living in India). What does it mean? You can screw up and spread a lot of unhealthy vibes really easy, especially, if you're someone who has got "an independent and a different yet interesting point of view" of looking at things.

For starters, I consider myself an average Indian, who lives in India and who IS INDEED really worried about and bothered by the corruption, and NOT by the lack of it, as Aravind mentions. If anything, his article would definitely be a pleasant and a warm welcome for all the corrupt people out there. If I'm a person with corrupt practices, I'd have definitely appreciated Aravind a lot for his article. But guess what. I'm not. Unfortunately for Aravind, I still think positively about my country. Lets take the case of the honest politician Aravind talks about that he won't be able to get anything done. Well, first of all, I've got three words for Aravind- speak for yourself! and secondly- who the fuck are you to say what an honest person can or cannot do?! If its out of your puny little imagination, or should I say, you're corrupt imagination, to think what such a politician can do, then STFU pal. At the very least DO NOT represent the billion people you don't even know about.

I must point out that this is not just against one person, but a few people out there who are infectious in all the wrong ways. They are like a disease and spread negativity around. What they fail to understand is the fact that _they_ are the root cause, not the politicians. I read a lot of such articles about our country by such like-minded people who glorify all the wrongs and yet somehow forget that they're responsible for the current state of affairs as well, but I rarely feel like venting it out since I am ashamed of myself for not contributing to the good of my country.

Look at the developed world- U.S.A, U.K, Australia, Timbuktu, take a pick. Do you think there's no corruption there? Do you think there's no bribes going around? So why are they still in a good state? Apart from all the technical difficulties and feasibility issues, the fundamental difference between us and them is that they really do care for their country. Every single person loves their country and is proud of it. They never lose hope, and even if they highlight their country's negatives, they ensure they do it in all their patriotism and their love for their country. Most importantly, they feel responsible for their country's health- be it economic, mental or physical.

Look at all the other countries struggling- Any African nation, any third world country- the difference is so obvious- people leave their own land for greener pastures. There is no sense of responsibility, none. NADA. Neh.

Take as an example, some irresponsible person from India- he would happily, carelessly, irresponsibly litter all over the place in his own town in India, but if you take the same guy and put him in Singapore or the U.S., he's all of a sudden scared to litter. Why? Accountability comes into play, and with it responsibility. Now, there is the involvement of public authorities to some extent in instilling that fear, but we cannot deny the sudden realization that sprung up in that individual, from no where. That is what we need to cultivate. This is just one of the many things that need to be done, and the best part of it all- they really can be done!

Over 45% of Indian population is 30 or below. I see hope. I see a new tomorrow where the young wont litter anymore, where our children will grow up with a sense of responsibility and accountability, and where people are proud of their motherland. And guess who's responsible for instilling those things? yes, you and me. If I tell my kids today to not litter around, they wont, and they don't need any public authorities for that. I have seen places where the public authorities are punctual in their chores because they are scared of the people living in those areas- those few residents remind the authorities of their responsibilities and their accountability to the society.

I'm not the one who will want to live with corrupt people and die silently so that my children will continue to do the same, and I'm not going to tell my children to accept corruption as a part of their lives. No.

Folks, spread the word, not the disease. Please.

Luv,
~H - an Indian who knows he's partially responsible for the current state of corruption, but who's not without hope.

10 things I want to do before...

I've renewed my energy and just signed a pact with Him to let me live for another 50 years. I'm rearing to go. I am.

These are the 10 things I want to do before I kick the bucket, not necessarily in the same order:
#1 - Help at least 100 families help themselves, sustain themselves.
#2 - Do my masters in political sciences/world economics.
#3 - Be the best father and husband off the shelf ;-) - if you get what I mean :D
#4 - Make a difference to the environment, by not wasting it
#5 - Inspire/influence/beg/bribe/pay/force/black-mail at least 2 people who care for our country to actually DO something for its good
#6 - Get real appreciation for my photography skills :)
#7 - Collect sand samples from at least 50 countries...I already have sand from 12 countries
#8 - get totally high on gadgets- go gadget freak!
#9 - Visit and get involved in at least 30 beautiful places within India, and other parts of the world
#10 - This one is reserved for future use.

Of course, there are many other things I want to do, like go kick Mugabe's ass, clean up the corruption thats oh-so prevalent in my country, free the fcuked up souls who kill others in the name of religion, but these are highly lofty goals and I wanted to set myself some achievable goals- learned this from experience, trust me. :-)

OMFG! I found the answer!!

If you have read my previous posts, you'll find a few of them to be around my search for the meaning and the reason why I'm here and the restlessness created by those questions crippling me. I tried a lot of things including Zen (I just cannot like Osho after I read his 'preachings', seriously, please don't ask me) and few other things(I am highly severely painfully hopelessly critical about these things and raise a bazillion and one arguments and question their core fundamentals and I don't buy an answer easily)....and then I came across 'logotherapy'. Its derived out of 'logos' meaning reason and 'therapy' meaning cure. It essentially means, cure by reasoning and has some highly powerful, effective and remarkably simple techniques to answer these questions. I highly recommend this book by Viktor E. Frankl, to know what I'm talking about. That book, along with the ones on Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman are very powerful tools and I owe a lot to these two folks.

Anyway, I finally got something which was convincing enough for me and answered all my questions and then suddenly, it came onto me- a disbelief that my struggle to find out the reason for me being here is finally over?!! -- "OMG! How is that possible? No, it can't be!" was what I kept hearing from within me. Something kept telling me it cannot be the answer, although irrationally, but slowly I realized I was in fact trying to reason myself out, like coming to a compromise with my other half, and even trying to shut down my physiological circuitry. For a moment, that resistance felt as if I've turned into some sort of adjective thats closely related to a masochist and a sympathizer! That feeling shook me up. I can be anything, but not a self-sympathizer. period. Those people don't deserve to live. They are emotional black-mailers. I'm not. I'm lazy and at times irresponsible(and even at times humorous in a sadistic way), but it ends there. I swear to you.

After a long time, I felt I was in control of my own self, in a true, pure, unadulterated way. I felt powerful, knowing(although discovering would probably be a better word to use here) the answer. I can see a huge spike of energy and positivity in me- the level of spike that would happen if BBC posted some exotic pics of the top 10 most beautiful women on this planet ;-D .....I think I'll be able to do a lot more now, you know...realize my full potential and blah...

I think it would be a wrong thing to reveal the answer that I found as I know I'm not half of half of what Viktor E. Frankl was, and I don't want to give incomplete/wrong/misleading information. Go find your own answer in this book :-)

A tribute to my grandfather, the 'Tiger'

They say that you can take away everything from a man and I mean everything- including his life, but you cannot take away his attitude and his will. I've heard of such things before, but over the last two or three weeks, I've witnessed that very thing happen in front of my very own self, in my own family, and I consider myself very fortunate to be around with him during his last few days, with him during his last few smiles, with him in his last few happy moments, with my grandpa.

'Tiger', many of his grandsons(including me) called him so fondly, for we saw him truly live like one - never, even for a moment, even till his last breath, dependent on his family and never afraid of anything, not even death(which I realized yesterday). His eyes never had fear and gave out no signs of weakness, physical or mental, ever. Even when we took him to the hospital for the initial diagnosis and treatment, the folks there would initially think that it was my grand mother, or may be my mother, who was to be diagnosed, but never thought it could be my grand father. He never looked a patient, never let that pain make him look vulnerable.

As a person, he never troubled anyone, anyone at all. From what I've heard of his childhood and his life till the time I had my own consciousness and then from what I've seen of him, I can only say that he was a good son, a good brother, a good colleague, a good husband, a good father and a good grand father. Even during his last days, he tried to ensure that he wasn't a burden for his family and never let us know the pain and suffering he might have gone through with that disease.

The day he was back from the hospital, after the doctors gave up all hope on his recovery, he told me "..I am not worried at all. I have my family by my side now. I didn't want to die in the hospital. Now that I'm home, I don't care when I die.." - he said that with a certain amount of relief and pride, as if he won a battle against someone, or against something in this case. He was never afraid, he was never worried. Even during these times, it was us who were made to look weak and vulnerable.

He passed away this Monday, breathing his last breathe in my arms. Amongst the things he said to me during the last week till the day before he died, two things that I can never forget- that I should not go to work the 'next day'(the day he would die) and I should stand by my dad and support him. I had no idea why he wanted me to stay back home the next day, not until he passed away in my arms. Honestly, I don't know if it was a coincidence or if he really knew he was going to die.

I was there by his side when he was struggling to breathe, and all I could do was run and call the doctor, and till the doctor showed up, I just stood there, hoping and praying that he make's it through one more time. I felt like I was a criminal. I was disgusted with my helplessness and ignorance as I couldn't even help him breathe. For the first time, I felt I should have been a doctor. I felt like I was a criminal.

In spite of all my helplessness and my 'uselessness', I am proud that I chose to be with him and not go to work on that day, for I had the opportunity to be with him by his side and hold his hand, a unique opportunity which comes only once in a person's lifetime.

In this part of the world, we cremate the body and wait till we hear the skull burst out, (symbolically)freeing the soul from its body. Bhoomaiah Kotha, died of cancer on the 26th of May 2008 and was cremated the same evening, with utmost respect and honor.

I look at this post as his epitaph, reading "Here was a man who lived like a tiger- fearless, independent and full of grace."

Grandpa, may your soul rest in eternal peace. - Luv, your grandson.

P.S: As with everything else, time will fill this void and there will be a day when I wont feel his loss anymore. I hope by then, I can learn and start to live with an attitude like the one he lived with, till the moment he left us.

Please Understand Me

If I do not want what you want, please try not to tell me my want is wrong.

Or if I believe other than you, at least pause before you correct my view.

Or if my emotion is less than yours, or more, given the same circumstances, try not to ask me to feel more strongly or weakly.

Or yet, if I act, or fail to act, in the manner of your design for action, let me be.

I do not, for the moment at least, ask you to understand me. That will come only when you are willing to give up changing me into a copy of you.

I may be your spouse, your parent, your offspring, your friend, or your colleague. If you will allow me any of my own wants, or emotions, or beliefs, or actions, then you open yourself, so that some day these ways of mine might not seem so wrong, and might finally appear to you as right- for me.

To put up with me is the first step to understanding me. Not that you embrace my ways as right for you, but that you are no longer irritated or disappointed with me for my seeming waywardness. And in understanding me, you might come to prize my differences from you, and far from seeking to change me, preserve me and even nurture those differences.

This is an excerpt from "Please Understand Me", by David W. Keirsey. I cannot think of a more appropriate time than now to put this up, for what I've experienced lately. But the reason I wanted to put this up here is that if anyone reads this, I want them to appreciate all the people whom they think are crazy/stupid/worthless as simply people who are slightly different from what they were 'expected' to be.